Tuesday, May 24, 2016

Obesity Squad

Everyone has bullies in their lives. Skeletons in the closet. Fears that haunt. Lies that deceive.
For the past 6 plus years, my greatest protagonist has been Obesity. Yes, that bitch and her largeness. As the years have gone on, Obesity has brought her crew of bitches into my world and made me reckon with her squad over and over.
Those bitches, well the come in all shapes, sizes and each have strengths of their own.
At first we met Depression and boy did we dip all the way into her deep blue eyes. They are like waterfalls of crystal meth man. Do.not.dive.in there.
Not far behind the meth induced depressive state, here comes disease to back her up. Disease in this current Obesity Squad goes by the name of. This bitch will make you reconsider your pain tolerance.
To the right of our main girl Obesity hangs a duo we can call the Inflammatory Story.  More specifically they are IBD, and HIT  - these ladies tie you to the front of the train and pull in and out of frustration station over and over.

How do you fight a bully? Kick and scream? Strategize and work smarter? Hide and hope they give up on you?
There as so many Goliath challenges in this life, and only you can know what your inner David is going to do.

What would the Aberator do? Current status: staring down every bitch in this squad and standing firm in my belief that knowledge is not true power - but action with purpose will always come out the victor in the end - no matter the length of battle

Sunday, May 8, 2016


My greatest accomplishment in my life time will, no doubt, be my ART. She is the reason I keep on keepin on, and the source of my simplest pleasures and joy.
I'm pretty (hashtag) blessed that she puts up with the volume at which music gets played in my car - and some of the time even comes away admitting love for the music she heard.
A few weeks ago she told me she'd been humming this song and hearing it in her head through out her school day.

(ack! deep!)
Today on Mother's day, we sang to each other in the car "Who am I if I'm the person you become... if I'm still growin up". And I begged her, and then implored her some more to understand that she needs to keep her heart right there as much as possible. Question it all, never grow up. If you stop growing up - you become that person -- but you don't have to be that person, because life is full of opportunity to keep learning, keep growing and keep striving to be who you are. No matter how old. Keep growing up, up, up.
(hashtag) blessed, (hashtag) superblessed, (hashtag) ART4Ever, (hashtag) MotherhoodWins

Monday, May 2, 2016

300 meters

Today marked three years since I received my county clerk signed and stamped divorce documents in the mail. I remember that jubilant first half hour home after work like it was yesterday. I felt 10 years younger and 10 years older all at once.

Today marked the 7th day straight I went to the gym and exercised for at least 45 minutes.

Six weeks ago I switched gym memberships, marking my 4th time as a card carrying, barcode scanning member of a fitness corporation. The first time, I lost way more money than any 23 year old should and gained very little stamina or confidence. The second time, I felt like a rockstar for about two weeks, taking advantage of a best price type deal - and then I went to the gym exactly 0 times for the rest of that deal period. Third time, I felt good, I found a mix of music that got me going, I felt strong... but I felt trapped in a single mom, nothing works for my schedule corner. No bueno. But third time being some kind of charm - I found the motivation to aberate - I needed a solution to push the noise back and make something important work.

I found that solution. And in the process I found myself all signed on to meet with a personal trainer once a week. An actual "Fitness Professional" to push, pull, and motivate me. I walked in there and said, yeah I have all these things I could call motivation, but let's face it, in the end I have needs - a need to feel strong and not question it, a need to lose actual lbs and gain overall health, and a need to be Beyonce when I grow up.

Beyonce wasn't built in a day. I saw that catchphrase on the internets recently and reacted with a Yaaasss and a high five to the imaginary angels. And you know what? Beyonce wasn't built in a month either. I've been working with the personal trainer for a month now. And I've lost exactly Zero lbs. Zero.
Beyonce doesn't count her haters - she doesn't need to - she's Beyonce.
I'm the Aberator and I like a challenge.

I got hit with the 300 meter challenge tonight. My trainer doesn't talk to me about the lbs number - he talks to me about upping my work and making new numbers. I've got (nearly) 99 lbs of haters on me, but this werk ain't concerned with any one of them. And so tonight I found myself saying outloud- Yes, Yes I want that rowing machine and I want more on my pull day, add in a challenge. First time, ever on a a rowing machine and I pulled 300 meters in 2:38. My trainer noted how impressed he consistently is by the power contained in a female's legs. (good guy..) And I thought - 300 meters? I'm gonna own this bitch.

Three years after I felt so accomplished and like I had a new lease on life - I've found the actual key to the feeling younger part.
Find yourself 300 meters, find it, own it and crush every second of those 300 meters. Build your inner Beyonce and slay.

Sunday, May 1, 2016

Call of the heart

Few things lift my heart like good meaningful music.
And baseball. Yeah it has been known to lift my heart - let's face it ..... it's so hard not to be romantic about baseball.

My heart pumps only blue and orange blood  - but I can't front - every time Macklemore's song My Oh My comes up on my Pandora work out station - I get chills and and a simple, beam of joy creeps across my face. Like Nick Jonas himself walked up next to my tread mill and sang to me ... uhhmm, yeah, back to baseball.
BASEBALL.  I get that same simple and pure joy feeling when I step through the turnstiles at Citi Field.
And to play right on the moment at the heart of the song (the broadcaster Dave Niehaus's 'My Oh My' call at the moment the Mariner's won the champsionhip) - I get that same lift in my heart when I hear Howie Rose's call "This One Has a Chance!", which he, "the voice of the Mets" belted out when Mike Piazza belted the home run that lifted the hearts of so many New Yorkers in that first game played after 9/11.  And I get that same warm fuzzy feeling in my heart when I hear Gary Cohen's call from the division clincher game last season "Tears of Joy for the 2015 New York Mets!!" -first heard while I was literally crying actual tears of joy, jumping around my living room pumping my fist in the air.
My oh My.
I can't think of what the world would ever be like with out the voices behind the calls of the heart for Mets fans like myself - but everytime I hear this Macklemore tribute to Dave Niehaus and the heart connecting moment M's fans surely hold dear to - I can't help but dig in and visit the corners and stitching in my own heart.