Tuesday, August 30, 2016

Look at the wonderful mess that we've made

Over the past year or so, I've found in myself the ability to shed all forms of pretense. I was never a fan of anything resembling a veil, a resentment or a quiet stewing. 
Dig them out
Turns out all this time I was trying to be better at so many things, I already was perfect. Perfectly flawed and perfectly sculpted into what I need to be at any given moment in my timeline. 
Wear those flaws, girl. 
Guilty? Say so. Angry? let it ride. Disappointed? You're totally allowed, but don't dwell. 
Tired and run down after so many chai lattes? Call out your behavior, laugh, think of how tasty they were and move the hell on. You're not going to get whole30 without owning where the holes are. 
When all of them are counted - I still know without them I'd be doomed. 
But back to that sweet ferocious Bastille song embedded here --- there's a home in my soul, can you fill it, can you fill it? 
I've come to truly believe we can't be hole fillers for one another unless we acknowledge our own holes (flaws). 
Others feel condescension in your words and actions? ... Dig that out, lean into the people and scenarios and leave nothing undone. 
Feeling trapped by a relationship dynamic ? Dig it out - don't bury it. 
Critical words fly out of your mouth on the regular? Let them out. Let them live. Give your brain the release. Just show your heart too. Show your heart so much it lights up the wonderful mess. 
Haven't called the loved one on your mind all the time? They already know how much you love them. If they truly don't know, then you've got some digging to do - but where would you be if you never know where the holes are? 
 I can't fill it, I can't fill it....  
Some days I count the losses and some days i look at the beautiful pattern my flaws make and enjoy being my authentic self. 
Can you fill it, can you fill it? 
In my ideal world I would be surrounded by hole fillers - we would fill each other up daily. But I'm faced with the sometimes overwhelming reality that not everyone is ready to dig, nor are they ready to hold their flaws out in the open and enjoy the wonderful messes we make. 

Sometimes I sing along to this song and it quite literally drifts into my flawed holes and back out creating a breeze and reason to exhale my expectations. 

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